The Past & The Future

The past is always being written, never changing – yet changing all the same.

We can’t change what happens in the past, no matter how much we yearn.

Lately I’ve been kind of missing some people in my past; friends. Never lovers, simply friends. Friends who I may not have been super close to – but I deeply treasured; and always will – my time with them.

Sometimes it’s the little things that make us happy. Little interactions, little treats, little tasks. We always try to recover these. Sometimes you can, treats and tasks. Interactions are never so easy; once the interacties are gone, they’re generally gone for good.

I’m hitting a point where I am completely compelled to change my entire life. To elaborate: I want to change my diet; starting with veggies, home made breads, and home made sweets. I’d eventually like to ease off the sweets at least- if you know me, you know I’m overweight; I love my sweets. I also want to change my sleep schedule; though I enjoy staying up late; writing, reading, watching tv – I want to start sleeping earlier and getting up earlier. I get up early already for school, but I want to get up early just to say “Hello new day! Inspire me!”; I’m always happier when I do.

I don’t know how to change that; I feel like I simply can’t where I am. Everyone. Everyone. In this area is lazy as heck, it’s hard to overcome. Sleeping enough, eating right, making money. For some reason eludes me.

Sorry this was rambly….Just thinking.

Truth About Awareness

Self injury awareness: I’ve believed in it. I am an advocate of many self injury awareness groups. Today however, the bitter truth struck me.

When I first heard about “self injury” I was fourteen years old. My first boyfriend had just left me and I was sad. I was watching a tv show where the killer was also a self injurer. She killed because they laughed at her for it. I decided to give it a try.

After much harassment from many of my friends I finally stopped…but not for good. Probably a year later I began that unhealthy habit again, it was the darkest time of my life, and my only way to let my pain out.

The truth is, however, I would have never started if I hadn’t have heard of it. I could never consider harming myself without suggestion. So, should we be telling young people about it? Opening their young minds up to the habit?

I’ll be truthful, I love writing books. I love writing books about people suffering, people who ‘cut’ themselves. I’ve been reconsidering. Should I publish a book that could influence someone to do something harmful, and potentially life threatening? Should any of us?

This is a very hard call for me personally. I have a very dear friend who has been injuring herself purposefully since she was in the sixth grade. I love her dearly and I certainly understand – she’s had a hard time at life, I would never judge her. She would have never started if she had never read a certain book. She told me once that she thought “why not?” (correct me if I’m wrong..) and “the rest is history”. She is now in therapy to help deal with the trauma behind her self injury. I pray that someday she’ll be able to say “Yes, I used to cut, and I’ve been clean for twenty years.”

I get both sides of the story. I want people to understand self injurers. To not make fun of them and instead see past the cuts, bruises, and burns; and to the pain that is going on in their soul. At the same time: Should we expose innocent, young, possibly troubled minds to the option of hurting them self?

Hey!

My first post! Hmm. I don’t have much to talk about at the moment. Just sayin’ hi and thanks for visiting my site! <3 Cait